Dear you,

I have no idea how our friendship started, but I know how it ended.

I. Messed. Up.

And there we went, our separate ways. You led your life, while I tried to rebuild mine.

At the end of a 2 year silence, we finally broke that silence and we started talking. I craved for your friendship like a lonely man craves for companionship, or a dying man craving for that one chance to re-live his life. I didn't know how much I hurt you until you told me exactly what you were feeling.

Did you know on that Friday, I kneeled down in-between the aisles of the main hall, put my head down on the floor and cried?

Did you know that for the next four days, I was wrecked with guilt and shame and disgust of my actions? That I had finally grasped what Godly sorrow was?

No, you didn't. I am 100% sure.

I don't know what to say to you now. I really don't because if I do, I'd be spewing very, very mean words.

But please, stop using me and throwing me away when your best friend has finally come back.

If you just wanted to use me as a god damned cushion so that you can bounce back when the time was right, just tell me straight in the face.

Because I am determined to hate you from now on.

But you know I can't, because I love you.

Can you find the link?

Master Chief, a super soldier that fought through impossible odds.

Spartans defending the Hot Gates, 300 men fought against over 2 million enemy soldiers.

The Adeptus Astartes, also known as the Space Marines. Superhumans who serve the Imperium to battle the forces of Chaos.

Can you find the links?

What would...

... young Manfred say to his dad?

I love you?

I hate you?

I miss you?

What would he say, anyone?

The room I want the most

"A room with red carpet, lined with gold designs all over it.

There is no walls, trust me bro. The walls have to be shelves. Millions of them! And they must have books on them. I don't care what books, it can be any book for all I care. It just needs to have books.

Then there needs to be a fireplace, right, a fireplace made out of white marble. And there has to be a handsome fire with like, proper firewood, no coals no electrical fire stuff.

Then infront of the fire, there absolutely has to be these two high back chairs, you know the really comfy types like the ones you see in moves that they have around fireplace.

Then I'll walk up to the chair and sit down, facing the fire at a diagonal angle. And God will be there. God's gonna sit there on the other chair.

I'll look him in the eyes and I'll ask him...

'Why do you love us so much?' "

"But we already know the answer!" said Martin and Addis.

"No matter what the other Christians tell me, I'll never be satisfied with the answer. I want to hear it from God himself, I want to ask him all the questions that I have in mind and I believe I will be satisfied with all of his answers."

Silence.

"That's deep bro."

"That's just how I roll baby."

I tried to love you as a friend, but the distance between us is like an abyss in the Eye of Terror.

I tried to save this friendship, but it hit a rockwall, dead on.

Maybe I should just ignore you.

As a matter of fact, I believe that is the only way to get you out of my life and my mind.

My anger has gripped my heart in it's clutches. It tantalizes my soul.

I prayed daily.

I questioned God.

But I got no answer to fix this.

When I acquired the knowledge that you shed tears for this friendship, I bled.

When I was told that I can trust you once again, to open up to you, to confide in you, I bled.

When I was told that you were confused, you didn't know if you had anything to say to me, I cried.

All I ask from you is this.

Give. Me. A. Sign.

Confused.

Dilemma.

Concussed.

There are many words that go through my mind to describe what I am feeling right now. The most apt one would be... confused.

When is the fine line between care and concern and liking someone?