The vow

I have been running away far too long.

I have dug a pit far too deep.

I have been foolish to think I can run away from my past, away from all the insecurities, the fears.

The memories.

A feeling unlike anything I've ever known stabs at my chest. I think to myself, is this how being heartbroken feels?

I lie down on my bed. The feelings overwhelm me. The feeling of shame, disgust, hatred, anger flood my heart and mind.

And it's all directed from me, to me.

I close my eyes, and the fun times we all had together playback, crystal clear like it was a DVD movie. I remember the laughs we had, the atrocious amount of time we spent being lame, the late nights we spent being online, discussing about life and it's meaning or almost everything, anything under the sun.

For the first time in many months, a tear leaks out from those eyes. Tears of sorrow, shame, disgust.

I've ran enough.

Now it is time to let God carry me.

Now it is time to straighten out things.

Now it is time to stand up and never stay down.

Now it is time to face my demons within.

My past.

My fears.

My insecurities.

My anger.

My emotions.

Time to finish the fight.