The Fight.

I remember the times in Joo Chiat where we watched WWF together with kor. We used to be entertained by your funny comments when we watch a animal documentary. I remember the times where we had to ask you for permission to play games on the computer and we would walk up to you and show a C with our hands and you would nod.

At this point of time, my heart is cracked.

I remember the night before I slept, I cried because I thought you weren't coming back. I thought you were gonna leave us forever and never come back. I remember the times I have been disciplined by you, by that cane, by your hand.

It's hurting, slightly, but surely. Something is stuck in my throat.

I remember the nights in Crawford Lane, you would never come home. I never saw you, day and night. You were the phantom father that I had. I remember how one night you sat us down at the dinner table and told us that we would have to move to Marine Parade, and that you would not be staying with us forever. I wondered, was it because of me? Was it because of my stupidity and my weakness that you couldn't stay with us from now on?

The pain is real, the tears are leaking out now. But I stem the flow. I have to do this, I tell myself, I just have to.

Then I remember the anger, THE FUSTRATION THE SADNESS, THE HATRED AGAINST YOU THAT I HARBORED FOR SO LONG. I NEVER GOT TO VENT IT OUT, I NEVER GOT TO ASK WHY DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS AT FAULT. BECAUSE I FOOLISHLY BELIEVED THAT I WAS THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING. THE HATRED SURGED IN ME, THE ANGER BLEW UP WITHIN ME. I FELL INTO DEPRESSION, I ATTEMPTED SUICIDE MULTIPLE TIMES AND WHAT DID YOU DO? TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL. I FELT NO LOVE FROM YOU. I DECIDED TO HATE THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO MADE ME SUFFER.

I WANTED EVERYONE TO SUFFER. I BECAME SADISTIC, MADDNESS OVERWHELMED ME. I HATED EVERYONE, I HATED MYSELF, MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, MY LIFE. MY OWN LIFE. I HATED IT TO THE CORE. THERE WAS NO POINT IN MY EXISTENCE, I TOLD MYSELF, SO I DECIDED TO END THIS FOOLISH DREAM OF THE HAPPY FAMILY THAT I HAD SINCE I WAS A CHILD.

I WAS BROKEN, I WAS HURT, BUT I COULD NOT VOICE OUT WHAT I FELT BECAUSE MY BROTHER TAUGHT ME THAT I WAS INSIGNIFICANT, HE YELLED AT ME FOR BEING A INCOMPETENT FOOL, A WEAKLING, ANOTHER WANNABE, I WOULDNT MAKE IT BIG IN LIFE.

I fell into depression. And until today I've never truly gotten out of it.

I HAD NO ONE TO LOOK UP TO, NO ONE TO GUIDE ME, I ONLY HAD THE WORLD, AND MY FRIENDS, MY STUPID, MESSED UP FRIENDS WHO MESSED ME UP AND MADE ME THE BEAST I AM TODAY, THE MONSTER. BUT I CHOSE THAT PATH.

YOU WERE NEVER THERE TO SUPPORT ME DAD. YOU NEVER WERE. PHYSICALLY, MATERIALLY YES, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY EMOTIONS.YOU WERE NEVER, AND NEVER WILL BE THERE FOR ME

I HATE YOU. I TRULY HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME. I HATE YOU TILL THE END OF TIME.

There was no pain felt. It wasn't surprising, seeing how my heart was empty in the first place.